Okay! I'm back. It looks like I've been gone for awhile while I heal, but as I gain strength, I feel I must turn and do something.

We've passed a point, I've had a life changing experience. Did it make a difference? You know it! I can walk, there's no pain, and I'm losing wieght (slowly). It looks rosey, but it's not. I have a dark spectre hanging over me. It's the thoughts that are setting in my head, just hanging there. Questions with no answers. So here I am again. Alone with my thoughts.

We had layoffs again at work. This was round #2 and it we know that it's not the last. I watched two good friends catch the whack this time. Then I look around and see the incompetant getting to stay. WHAT THE FUCK? Have I lapsed into some surreal dream state? Have I been magically transported to Bizarro world where everything is opposite? No. Same old cube. Same wife, same son. No, it's just some folks get lucky.

Fear, it's an ugly thing to scared. It's even worse to be scared at work. Now, we all wonder who's next? You know it will happen again it's just a matter of time. I don't ant to be fired. I don't want to look for a job. Reality sets in though so I've tweaked up the resume for that "just in case" scenario. It's just a matter of time. Well enough of this. Let's catch a bit of the Daily Bitch!

Alright! It's a new year, time for some new resolutions. Let's see, first of all I resolve to try and be more tolerant of the ignorance that happens around me. I mean come on, you know what I'm saying here, it's not like you haven't seen it first hand. It could be someone on TV, on the street, or even at your job. It's that one person, you know the one I'm talking about, that can barely breath and walk at the same time. Maybe it's a co-worker that you work with every freaking day. When the layoffs come, lots of good people go, but there that person is working away at problem for hours that any 12 year-old could have completed. I will really try hard not to use the words "Fucking Clueless" when describing a person, no matter how much it applies to them. Maybe I'll use new techies terms like "Walking 404" or "cranially insufficient," just so it sounds a little more polite.

I resolve to be nicer. Not that I'm not already a nice person. I just feel that I could be nicer to strangers and the people around me. That is unless it involves letting someone take advantage of me. Yep, try to use me as a doormat, you'll be walking on a nub. I'm tired of people wanting to take advantage of my good nature because I have some psychological guilt thing working. I'm a nice guy, just leave me alone unless you really need that done. The next dork to call me buddy or pal will wish they hadn't. See already I think I'm blowing this resolution.

I resolve to get out and exercise. Now that my hip is all fixed (more on that later), I need to stop being such a fat bastard and join the skinny "in" crowd. Like that is going to happen! I've done the hard part, paying the money or a gym membership, now I need to get in there on a regular basis. Need to lose the blubber before it kills me. See, I have the fat gene or at least that what the scientists believe. It does not give me an excuse to be fat, it just means I have to work harder to keep from ballooning up like a dead cow under the hot sun. I'm going to do it. You can bet me on that one.

I resolve to stop giving such a shit about my job. It has become fully apparent that it does not seem to matter how smart or clever you may be, it won't matter when it comes down to wire. You can drive yourself into the ground doing the best you can. You can get glowing reviews, lots of bonuses and all the "pats on the back" you could ever deserve or wish for. What does it matter when it comes to the bottom line? Nothing. I watched it happen last year and I know that as sure as most CEOs are overpaid cocksuckers, it will happen again. No matter how much the person you work for likes you, if his/her boss says "fire him," you're history. I watch the team I work with get smaller and smaller. You'd think my co-workers would circle the wagons and protect each other. Nope. It's too bad that now all we can do is gossip about who is next and who deserves it more. I don't want to go to bed at night knowing that I caused someone to catch a pinkslip. That is unless they do deserve it because they are a waste of cubicle space. In that case, let me do it, I promise I won't smile, much.

I resolve to improve my morale. That could happen, especially if all the above happen. My morale has been going up and down faster then a $10 hooker at a Shriner's convention. There are really moments when I thought that I was manic depressive or something. Come to find out, I'm the same borderline sociopath I've always been. It's just the events around me that are bringing me down. Why worry? Be happy!