The Daily Bitch
August 4, 1998 Vol. 3 Issue 1
Well it seems my own decaying relationship has given me plenty to write about. Maybe there is a lesson here to be learned, something to carry over to the next, something that may help one of you readers gain insight into your relationship. This little episode could be called "Ways to know when to get the Fat Lady warmed up" or "It ain't over until you say it's over, honey." Yeah, ways to tell your relationship is headed for a break-up or is breaking up. Sometimes the clues are there, but you might have to go get Scooby Doo and the Gang to help you figure them out.
Let's start with the little things, like say SEX. She (or he since I'm and equal opportunity kind of Bitcher) has stopped doing some of those "special" things that they used to love to do but now find repugnant. This is usually a good clue that this other person is A) becoming celibate, B) cheating on you, or C) can't stand the way you grunt when you have your "moment." Now this could be a single thing or all of the above (I'd like to see that). Some other things that usually revolve around that could be the lack of a good "cuddle" afterwards or perhaps if they move to the furthest side of the bed to avoid touching you any more then they have to. Perhaps the only sex you're getting is when you tell the other person to "fuck off?" This could be the beginning of the end as you know it.
Some things you might have to listen for in order to catch the nuance of the moment. Like your s/o (significant other - for you non-chatters) ceases talking about any future plans you might have made together. They might also start using more "I's" and "me's" in their sentences. Another indicator is now that stuff that used to be OURS is now YOURS and MINE. Financial records can also start coming under scrutiny, since the other person will no longer be depending on your earnings to co-exist with theirs.
A good tell tale sign, is that you come home and find YOUR shit out on the porch or lawn. It may or may not be boxed and depending on the situation, it might have been burning for a bit before you arrived on the scene. This is always a good sign that the relationship may be over and that there will not be any "making up" or "reconciling differences" going on after this. In fact, if you're lucky the police and/or fire department may show up depending on the size of the blaze.
Sometimes, things get "iffy" and you're not sure what's going on. You may have to dig a little deeper or listen a bit harder to find out the truth. For instance, is your s/o getting nasty with you? You know, those little verbal dart, those light spoken jabs, instead of being cute, do they hit a little too far below the beltline? Did they change or alter their appearance suddenly, much to your dismay? Have you found your conversations changing from "what would you do if I died" to "I wish you would die?" Or maybe they start wondering OUT LOUD what life would like without you in it.
In some cases it may be obvious, such as you find him/her standing over you wearing nothing but a hockey mask and holding a chainsaw. This could mean you have slipped into a bad "B" grade slasher flick or s/o wants you out of their life in the real bad way. Maybe they brought a date home and started necking on the couch BEFORE you moved out.
These are just a few things. If you have some to add, feel free to drop me a line at arcrego@frontiernet.net and let me know what some of the signs that you've seen. Now it's time for me to go oil the chainsaw and find that hockey mask.
I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."
