The Daily Bitch

May 19, 1999 Vol. 4 Issue 1

Hello Kmart shoppers! I bet you thought I had vanished from the face of the earth, didn’t you? Well I didn’t and now I’m back. I have to be honest with you though. The whole reason I stopped is that I wasn’t feeling "bitchy." See, since my last update, I have met someone who really makes me feel good. What’s that you say? You’ve heard that before? No, I mean she’s very unique and very different? I know, I’m sure you’ve heard that one before. Don’t worry campers, I can take care of myself! Now let’s stop talking about me (at least for now) and get one with this!

Okay, it’s time for me to bring the "Bitch" back to life because there is so much that I can bitch about in everyday news and plus it makes me feel good poke fun at it. What am I going to be "bitch"-ing about? How about Penisgate, Guns in school, and life in general? So without further ado, let’s talk about what has been bugging my brain for the past 2 weeks: The Columbine High School Massacre.

I know, I know, you saying "Hey you fat bastard, that was not a massacre, it was a tragedy!" How about we say it was both and add travesty to the list? See it was a massacre in the sense that all those kids (and the teacher) died without being able to lift a finger in their own defense. It became a tragedy when all those parents realized that their kids were gone forever. It became a travesty when the MEDIA descended like hordes of locusts on that small town to pick apart and how about the GUN CONTROL FREAKS?? Before I rip into the lobbyists that are trying to take our rights away from us, let us speak about the blame being passed around.

Now we, as a country, have become obsessed with lawsuits (frivolous and otherwise) and with a lawsuit, there always has to be someone at FAULT, someone to BLAME in other words. Now with the massacre in Littleton, the blame is being passed around to quite a few things. The Internet, TV violence, movie violence, and most of all, the NRA. The way people are screaming about the NRA, you would think that they handed the boys (I refuse to call them monsters) the guns and bombs, trained them, and then pointed them at the school while cheering them on. Ok, I know the NRA has a huge anti-gun control lobby and they run a little to the left most of the time with their opinions, but they are basically good people at heart with misplaced priorities. Should the gun laws be changed? Definitely! I think all weapons should have a 14 day waiting period and that you should have to be 18 years old (minimum) to buy any weapon or ammunition. That’s the way I feel about it, now let’s get back to the blame game.

Let’s talk about whom is ultimately to blame for this and those people are the PARENTS. What’s that you say? How are the parents to blame for this? It comes down to this: if they would have been more interested in what the kids were doing or just looked around a bit more or just been a bit more concerned, I would not be writing this piece right now. My parents always knew what I was doing (most of the time) and even when they didn’t they had a pretty good idea of what I was up to. Now these parents could be in a rather huge spot of trouble because there is a movement happening to make parents more liable for their children’s actions. It may be too late for this to apply to this case (or is it?) but I can see it happening in the near future. I know the one set of parents must be afraid since they aren’t talking to police. That is bad, because the whole world is thinking they know something they don’t want to tell. Enough talk about bad parents, let’s move on to the other things to blame.

From what I can see, every time something happens anywhere, to do with kids, it never fails that someone blames movie and TV violence. Once again, this comes back to parenting. The parents control what the kids watch. Alas, most parents use Mr. TV as a babysitter, so he gets to fill their heads with sweet ideas of blowing things up and blowing things away. Along comes the Internet, the great Super information freeway or highway or whatever bullshit they are calling it these days. I look at it like this: The Internet is a huge city (albeit a virtual one) that has good sides and bad sides, just like a real city. Think about where you live for a minute. Think about the worst part of town, you know the place I’m talking about. That street where the hookers hang out and the crack dealers sell in plain view of the cops (if there are any in sight) or the place the cops are afraid to go. Would you let your child go down there? Believe it or not, there are places just like that on the Internet, only difference is, there are no police. I tell this to everyone I know, but the Internet is no place for children UNLESS they are supervised. I know plenty of morons who call themselves parents who let their kids do as they please on a computer, on the Internet. Then when the kid gets ends up getting into trouble the parents always have that same blank look during the interview with local news. My favorite line is "I never imagined he could do this over the Internet." Of course not you nitwit, because kids are clever, quick and ready to pull one over on you at any given time. If the parents would have been on the Internet and had an idea of what was out there, they would have been ready to deal with whatever the kids might have done or in most cases there wouldn’t have been any trouble at all. Alas, this is not the way it happened, now is it?

Well, that’s all I have to say about this. It’s too bad the media doesn’t feel the same way though. Watching the coverage of the massacre was pretty sad and I would be a lying bastard if I said I didn’t tear up a bit when the parents started talking about their children who are now dead. What yanks my ballsack is the way the "press" descended on that town like vultures to fresh roadkill. It was an ugly thing when you see some of the scenes and it is more newsvans then ambulances in the pictures. We are obsessed the violent and we depend on the news people to bring it into our living rooms. We don’t care about the sports scores. We don’t care about the weather. We want the BGG (blood – guts – gore)!! Just like the song goes…. "..got the bubble-headed bleach blonde, she comes on at five. She can tell you about the plane crash with a gleam in her eye. It’s interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry!" (Dirty Laundry - From the Don Henley LP "I Can't Stand Still")

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."