Okay... something from the lighter side. My dog loves to chase the laser pointer. I think she thinks she might be a cat. You watch and let me know what you think!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Sunday, March 08, 2009
An open letter to those who think they know.
For many years, I’ve tried to tell you about what I know, what I’ve seen and what I’ve experienced. Why? Well, much like a professor, I’ve tried to lecture you in some form or another in the hopes that you would learn things from me. At some point in everyone's life, there has to be a cut-off point. That point where you just set back and watch what happens to what you’ve been working on. You hope that it takes off and flies, up, up and away. When the failures happen, you can’t help but feel responsible. Now if that failure is something you’ve seen before, it only makes you feel worse because you knew it could happen, made the appropriate warnings, levied the caution flags, done what you think will bring appropriate attention to the issue.
Let me tell you a little story. It’s one that has a young man, fresh from home, heading out into the big world. Stepping way out of his comfort zone thinking he’s heading into a great adventure and a new life. Yet, there is something tying him to that old life. A girlfriend. Someone who in the last couple of months of their senior year things happened and it appears their relationship has taken a really serious turn. Talk of marriage come up frequently, but this great adventure looms on the horizon, getting closer every day. There are long talks on the phone, long moments of closeness and neither person can think of being without the other. A plan is hatched, he will go off to do his thing, make some seed money and then bring her along. The marriage will be a quiet one, and they will attend college together and things will be great.
Does this story sound familiar?
The time to depart arrives; he leaves and goes north swearing promises the whole time. She starts college and letters and phone calls are frequent. Then life begins to overtake them, and phone calls stop because of schedules, then the letters slow down to almost nothing. During a phone call, they finally realize they have grown apart; they have EXPERIENCED life outside high school and realized there is more out there. They decide to remain friends and write whenever they can.
Okay, now that you have the backstory, let’s talk about what happened to the boy. He met another girl and things got serious, way serious, way too fast. The next thing he knows, he’s a father at 21. Not exactly in the plan and again life changes the path. Now I’m not going to go into further detail, but trust me, it’s more experiences that he finds simply overwhelming.
Time to get to the grist of the matter and make this a little more personal… simply directed at my son and his future fiancé…
Now that “boy” is me. So when I start spouting off about the choices being made, well it’s because I’ve been there.
I’m not sure if anyone has said anything like this before, but as I’ve said, I have nothing against the marriage itself. If you stop and really think about it, are you sure that you are ready for it? If he plans on making the military his life, I can tell you, it’s not a fun life. Until he makes a commissioned rank, there won’t be a stipend for housing, so living on base won’t be happening. Now it could have changed but I don’t think so. As it stands now, what he gets paid is below the poverty line.
“The heart wants what the heart wants.” That little statement can be defined as many things, but once the head gets involved it gets complicated. I think if you two give it a little more time, you’ll find out that the feelings have for each other will change. High school was a microcosm of society, now that both of you are out of there in the world, you’ll see what I mean.
Now with that said – If a wedding happens, I’ll be there, but don’t think I’m going stop lecturing or asking the tough questions. Why? Because the hindsight I have may not necessarily apply to you, but it is still someone with experience talking about it. Believe it or not, I was engaged 3 times before it finally happened, so when it comes to experience, I've got loads.
For many years, I’ve tried to tell you about what I know, what I’ve seen and what I’ve experienced. Why? Well, much like a professor, I’ve tried to lecture you in some form or another in the hopes that you would learn things from me. At some point in everyone's life, there has to be a cut-off point. That point where you just set back and watch what happens to what you’ve been working on. You hope that it takes off and flies, up, up and away. When the failures happen, you can’t help but feel responsible. Now if that failure is something you’ve seen before, it only makes you feel worse because you knew it could happen, made the appropriate warnings, levied the caution flags, done what you think will bring appropriate attention to the issue.
Let me tell you a little story. It’s one that has a young man, fresh from home, heading out into the big world. Stepping way out of his comfort zone thinking he’s heading into a great adventure and a new life. Yet, there is something tying him to that old life. A girlfriend. Someone who in the last couple of months of their senior year things happened and it appears their relationship has taken a really serious turn. Talk of marriage come up frequently, but this great adventure looms on the horizon, getting closer every day. There are long talks on the phone, long moments of closeness and neither person can think of being without the other. A plan is hatched, he will go off to do his thing, make some seed money and then bring her along. The marriage will be a quiet one, and they will attend college together and things will be great.
Does this story sound familiar?
The time to depart arrives; he leaves and goes north swearing promises the whole time. She starts college and letters and phone calls are frequent. Then life begins to overtake them, and phone calls stop because of schedules, then the letters slow down to almost nothing. During a phone call, they finally realize they have grown apart; they have EXPERIENCED life outside high school and realized there is more out there. They decide to remain friends and write whenever they can.
Okay, now that you have the backstory, let’s talk about what happened to the boy. He met another girl and things got serious, way serious, way too fast. The next thing he knows, he’s a father at 21. Not exactly in the plan and again life changes the path. Now I’m not going to go into further detail, but trust me, it’s more experiences that he finds simply overwhelming.
Time to get to the grist of the matter and make this a little more personal… simply directed at my son and his future fiancé…
Now that “boy” is me. So when I start spouting off about the choices being made, well it’s because I’ve been there.
I’m not sure if anyone has said anything like this before, but as I’ve said, I have nothing against the marriage itself. If you stop and really think about it, are you sure that you are ready for it? If he plans on making the military his life, I can tell you, it’s not a fun life. Until he makes a commissioned rank, there won’t be a stipend for housing, so living on base won’t be happening. Now it could have changed but I don’t think so. As it stands now, what he gets paid is below the poverty line.
“The heart wants what the heart wants.” That little statement can be defined as many things, but once the head gets involved it gets complicated. I think if you two give it a little more time, you’ll find out that the feelings have for each other will change. High school was a microcosm of society, now that both of you are out of there in the world, you’ll see what I mean.
Now with that said – If a wedding happens, I’ll be there, but don’t think I’m going stop lecturing or asking the tough questions. Why? Because the hindsight I have may not necessarily apply to you, but it is still someone with experience talking about it. Believe it or not, I was engaged 3 times before it finally happened, so when it comes to experience, I've got loads.
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