Ok, so needless to say, it's Saturday and I'm in Erie for Easter. Not much going to happen today. Although while we were at the mother-in-laws, the S-I-L stopped by with her SO in tow. He didn't say much to me. Never does. It's been a major sticking point with me that this dork talks shit about my abilities even though I do it everyday all day long. Not to mention that I've cleaned up after him twice.

See what bothers me, is that he's a postman who considers himself a computer tech. I mean he builds systems and what not, so I guess that makes him such right? Me? I'm opening up my new restaurant, Chez Artie, next week. I mean, I can cook so by his logic, I can be a chef (with no formal training either). Now I'm been making sure he knows where I'm going and where I've been. If you get my drift. Let's see, has the postal service ever sent him on a TDY for his knowledge of computers? Maybe but HIGHLY doubtful because he's a POST MAN!! He's a MAILMAN! Every time I see him it totally pisses me off that this DICK considers himself my EQUAL. Uh right....

Oh yeah...checking FuckedCompany.com and looks like an EDS poster has struck again, this time posting Dickie's latest memo. Go see by clicking on the link on the right or go here: http://www.fuckedcompany.com/extras/eds2_email.cfm .

Later! Happy Easter!

Ok, so now I'm at home. A bit about the flight.... It was about 3:30 and one of the guys I'm working with asks me what time I'm leaving. I told him 7pm, and he says 7pm? Looks at his watch and then says LEAVE NOW! Then he turns to his friends and starts talking about my flight and drive so then they start almost chanting LEAVE NOW...trust us...LEAVE NOW!

Alright....so they might have been right about that. It took me about an hour or so to get back to the airport, and then about 1.5 hours to get my ticket and get through security. The longest part was getting my ticket NOT getting through security. Sooo I got some dinner from the Roy Rogers, and then waited for my flight. Now herer's the cool part, I was standing there and I started talking to this guy (as we watched this rather large breasted woman with a tube top come off the previous flight) and he is telling me about how crowded the flight looked and how you can upgrade to business class (which is basically bigger seats and such) for only $25. Needless to say, I did it. Got to get on the plane first and then the best part FREE DRINK VOUCHERS!! You get the idea (only 2 free drinks though)

Ok now about the work. I'm home today (Good Friday) and needless to say that it has been a week their and I have done very little work. I have NO ID to get onto the ticketing system. NONE of the SAs there have taken the time to "mentor" or basically take charge of getting us some tickets to do. How freaking bad is that. This place needs some work. I already made up my first week list and have debated giving this to Mr. Steve.

Oh yeah, remember happy hour? Fucking Assholes! Not really their fault, but Mr Dick was following one of the people to the place and I was going to follow him, so I didn't print off a mapquest to the place. Well I came out one exit and they came out another and after waiting 5 minutes they took off. I waited another 5 and then called Dick on the cell, he told me how to get there. Here's the problem, once I got there 45 minutes later, no one was there. I waited for a bit and then went home (hotel). Next day they tell me that no one gets there until 7 (even though it was said that it started at 5:30). Dorks! You would think that someone would have said something.

Oh well...next time.

Okay, so we just had an all hands meeting. Not sure how to classify who was there, but apparently it was the same as if Ms. Angie (wink wink) had a meeting with everyone. At least it seemed that way. They had the pictel going with DC, NYC, & Conneticut with a couple of smaller groups on the speaker phone. Went about the same way our meetins do.

I have to say that I heard a couple of problems we have dealt with and I'm going to feel like a hero kind of when I start handing out the answers on what we did. For instance, the backups are taking way to long because of Virus Scan running in the background. They are trying to get the script working in Arcserve. Hmm... sounds familiar, this looks like a call to Mr Chris to find out the exact answer!

Ok, I don't have the answers myself, but isn't the mark of a good technician to know where the answers are if he/she doesn't have them?

It's looking like that Mr. Roy and Mr. Bruce are going to be the lucky ones to go downtown (or so Mr. Dick says). I thought there was going to be an interview process first, but I guess someone made the decision.

Did a couple of installs - fun fun! I'm ready for my first contact with the customer! Of course the one I'm doing craps out and won't connect to the domain AND won't pull an IP. After screwing with it for 20 min (and doing everything that the local "guys" we decide that it has to be the image since you can connect the old machine and it works fine. FUCK! It's like that time at the spring dance and your first big date. Your all nervous because you asked Mary Lou Rottencrotch to the dance and she said yes. You look good, she looks good and then the moment she leans over to kiss you and you yak all over the front of her....

Before you ask, no I didn't whip chunks on the customer, but I might as well have. It's just the way I felt. But wait, there's more! We get back to the desk and the "local guys" start playing 20 questions like I might not know what I'm doing. I'll give that too them, but while I'm 'splaining about the IP one of them says "they are prolly out of IPs in the DHCP..." What in the BLUE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? How can you run out of IPs? How long is your lease? 7 Days. 7 DAYS? Wow, no wonder you are having connection problems.

Breathe... just breathe ..

Happy is hour is coming quickly, I need a smoke.

Dork!

Ok, first of all I know I'm a day behind so I'll do my best to try and keep up. Just use your imagination and pretend it's yesterday.

So as today ends, we've learned how to use the ticketing system. Remember Remedy from like 4 years ago? I know where it went to retire, and believe me, it has NOT gotten better with age. These guys are getting screwed by the metrics (which is what the customer lives by down here), but at the same time, it's there own fault. See we had a meeting with the customer escalation manager Ms. Michelle (same kind of position as Ms. Eileen - you guys know who I'm talking about) and all she does is try to prove to the customer what kind of problems they are seeing. At the same time she also is the customer liason, which means anytime the execs have a problem she has to face the music there. Annnyywayyy, she gaves the straight poop on what we are facing with our new co-workers and customers. Our co-workers are of two types, transition or new.

The transition guys came over then the new company (you know who) came in and I mean like 500 or so transitioned. Now these guys have a small problem relating to there former co-workers in the fact that they know who the problem people are and try to service them like before. That doesn't work because the remainders / stay behinds know they don't have to put up with shoddy service because of the contract claus. This claus basically says, if we meet LOS every month, you give US 500K bonus, if we don't then we pay YOU 500K. Needless to say, it's fun to watch.

Have to run. We are having a team meeting.

Ok, I'm here and the first thing they have us doing is helping some client manager person install a macro to 30 or so machines. Lots of fun, but I'm a little confused so far. Still waiting to see what is going to happen after lunch. Ass is still sore from the anal probe I got at the airport when I made the mistake of saying "those M-16s you guys are carrying are the bomb!" Went downhill really fast from there. They seemed really touchy for some reason.....

On the other hand the "guys" here are really approachable ( read: glad to see us). It appears as we only got half the story. Might be the owner of the contract (wink wink) might be close to losing the contract. It is definately a case of too much work vs. not enough "guys" especially since they just lost 2 to layoffs. Mario (one of the "guys") explained a lot that seemed to have gotten lost in the story that was told my Mr. Bill. Customer handling skills here seemed to require a lot time spent on your knees (figuratively speaking) or you end up with a nasty report to your manager. I believe it has a lot to do with the "ratio" that they have, not to mention how touchy the client base appears to be. Written procedures seem to be a lost art down here also contributing to some of the problem. You should have seen there face when I explained about our special "team" that closes tickets using remote tools, all over the country.

Our newest charcter in the story is Ms. Laura, who is their leader, she is going to interview us after lunch and see who has the right mindset(?) to be sent downtown.

Speaking of bombs, I casually mentioned about a outsourcing thing happening in Rochester. Seems they have never heard of this. Looks like there will be some "bar meetings" while some stuff gets explained.

Ok, so I tried to add a couple of links, you can see I added a couple of my favorites. If you can thing of any others, then send me an e-mail at acrego1@rochester.rr.com

I'm trying to get the changes right on this. Trying to find good one.

Ok...It's Sunday, and I'm packed. Looks like I'm ready to travel. Kind of excited about this, plus they have Good Friday off so I get a 3 day weekend for Easter.

More on Monday!

Ok, so we had the meeting on Monday with Mr. Bill and talk about things and how we are representing the best of EDS, and then Mr. Steve came in gave us the "cream of the crop" spiel and made us all feel warm and fuzzy. By that time my head was so big, I had trouble getting out of the room.

Looks promising, we get to fly down, and we get $30 for meals per day! Although right now I'm being kind of told that I might be riding down to DC with one of the other "volunteers." Uh, I don't think so. That's about 7 hours (as the crow flies) with someone I barely know. I'll pay the airfare out of my pocket - screw that! Let's think about it for a minute, first it is a 7 hour ride, but that means we would have to leave Sunday which means 1 less day of my weekend. Second, IT'S A 7 HOUR RIDE! I don't even understand why you would even want to take your own car. Seems really silly.

Gotta run - More in a bit!

I've just set this up and I'm wondering what it will look like. Gave up trying to get it working from my own site, so screw it. FDWI so it has ads, oh well.

Monday is big meeting with Mr. Bill. Well get our charge cards and phone cards. This should be interesting. First let me try and set the rules:
1) I'll try not to use last names (protect the innocent and me from assholes)
2) I will tell you straight up just how bad this "contract" is.
3) I make the rules.

There, I think we are ready. I'm supposed to leave a week from this monday. I might post comments from my meeting tomorrow.

The Daily Bitch

Feb. 3, 2000 Vol. 4 Issue 2

Oh boy what a week it has been! Let’s see, I’m going to finish my last update the next time I do this, right now I want to talk about the state of healthcare in Rochester. As some of you may know, last week my fiancée Teresa (Tre) took a “header” up the stairs at about 9:30 am. Now when she fell she caught herself on her elbow/forearm (she doesn’t remember) and heard a loud POP when she did this and had immediate pain in the middle of back. So bad, she had to crawl the rest of the way up the stairs. Needless to say it dulled down after a bit and she went to work. As she drove she noticed that it hurt to turn her neck and while at school it continued, so she decided to only work a half-day. When she got home she called our doctor who made an appt. for her to come in at 4pm that day. Mind you I have no problem with our HMO with the possible exception of the whole “referral” thing if you want to see another doc or get a second opinion. Now at the doc’s office, after a quick exam and 11 (eleven) x-rays later, she came back to sit with me. About 10 minutes later the Doc came back out and kneeled down in front of us with a very serious look and proceeded to tell us that Tre had broken her neck. Now this is one of those weird things you hear about and never really see, but apparently the x-ray showed that she had broken (fractured) the uppermost neck bone (the one that connects your neck to your skull). So we all walked carefully to the exam room and she was immobilized to a backboard until an ambulance could arrive and take her to the hospital, that was about 4:30 (remember this time). At about 4:50, the ambulance arrived and the two EMTs (Larry and Moe, not sure where curly was) manage to get her onto their backboard and get her head immobilized in yet another little device. Finally at about 5:30, were on our way to the hospital at a mere 60 mph. Now once at Genesee Hospital they wheel her into one of the trauma (?) rooms while I wait out front (with visions of surgery, HALO headgear and paralyzed girlfriends dancing in my head) to give insurance information to the administration nurse/orderly/attendant. Now it’s about 6:00pm or so and finally I get to go back to the room and I’m talking to Tre trying to keep her calm, you know how this whole thing goes. Meanwhile, I’m calling friends and relatives, trying to get my son picked up from the baby sitter. So we sit for about another hour and this whole time only a resident (not a real doctor) comes in check her out and does the standard neurological spine trauma exam. Can you feel this, does this feel the same as this…blah blah blah. Well this resident says that they have her scheduled for a cat scan and they should be up soon to get her. Now I have to leave in order to get to my house to let my brother (whom I convinced to drive up for $20 – family, you have to love them) in so he can watch my son (his nephew). Now I leave the hospital at around 7:30 headed for my house, they still have not come to take Tre down to CAT scan. Believe it or not it takes me about 1.5 hours to sort shit around and get back to the hospital (what can I say, I got lost on the way back to the hospital – I’ve lived in Rochester 4 + years and still do not know my way around the city).

When I get back to the room it’s 9:00pm and the nurse tells me that she JUST LEFT FOR RADIOLOGY! I immediately start going off at the nurse, she laid there ON THAT BACKBOARD FOR ANOTHER HOUR AND HALF??!! THE WHOLE TIME I WAS GONE??!! I think the nurse was ready to call security, but she said that she had went in and sat with her for a little while AND we gave her something to calm her down along with some oxygen. This both calms me down and further irritates me for a bit, until they roll her back into the room STILL on the backboard. She is not happy, in fact she is freaking out and really close to hyperventilating. See folks it’s now 9:30 and she has been unable to move for 4 AND HALF HOURS! I can see the state she is in, and I’m REALLY not happy about this because she is in the middle of having a back spasm (she has these every now and then and now she is having a couple) and I ring the nurse to get something for her pain. The nurse comes in, goes and checks with the doctor, the resident comes in and I verbally beat her up for a minute while she decides what to give her for Tre’s back pain. Finally they give her something for her pain and I start bugging them for the results, and they keep telling me they (the doctors) are waiting for them (radiology) to read the cat scans.

FINALLY at 10:30pm, which by my count is 5.5 hours ON THE BACKBOARD, the resident comes in and says the results are in and there is NO FRACTURE OR BREAK!! I mean that in itself is such a relief but I’m still so pissed I can’t see straight. I start pulling tape and straps off her like its Christmas and she is the biggest package under the tree. The resident actually tells ME to be careful (yeah right, I’m getting her the hell out of this place) cause I’m in such a hurry. I respond by telling her I would like to speak to the head Doc and get some answers. The doc shows up and I start to tear into her about the length of time and so on, when she tells me “other people have to have cat scans done too..” This causes a little “pop” in my head and I know at that moment I HAVE to leave. I swallow the bile that is rising and bite my tongue; I look at Tre and decide I have to get her home. I walk her out to the car and we go home.

What I learned later:

1. Teresa (Tre) was classified a level 2 trauma case.
2. When the nurse that told me she sat in there, it was only for about 10 minutes.
3. Tre later told me that she had rang for the nurse 2 times and the nurse never came until the 3^rd time.
4. Tre had to be put on oxygen because she was having a panic attack (or a major claustrophobia attack).
5. After arriving home Tre found a lump on her head (about the size of a AA large egg) from laying on the backboard.
6. That if I’m ever injured to a point of needing an ER, I will never go to Genesee Hospital.
7. That because Genesee Hospital is located downtown, that they get a lot of “welfare” walk-ins and this has obviously effected them on the patient care side of things. Maybe if they starting caring about PEOPLE rather then CASES and INSURANCE things would go better.

Questions I want answers to:

1. If Tre was a level 2 case, WHY did she have to wait 4 hours for a cat scan?
2. If Tre was a level 2 case, WHY did it take the Radiology dept 1.5 hours to read the scan?
3. Why did the nurse not respond to the 2 rings and did on the 3^rd?
4. Does Genesee Hospital need more people in their ER?

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."

The Daily Bitch

May 19, 1999 Vol. 4 Issue 1

Hello Kmart shoppers! I bet you thought I had vanished from the face of the earth, didn’t you? Well I didn’t and now I’m back. I have to be honest with you though. The whole reason I stopped is that I wasn’t feeling "bitchy." See, since my last update, I have met someone who really makes me feel good. What’s that you say? You’ve heard that before? No, I mean she’s very unique and very different? I know, I’m sure you’ve heard that one before. Don’t worry campers, I can take care of myself! Now let’s stop talking about me (at least for now) and get one with this!

Okay, it’s time for me to bring the "Bitch" back to life because there is so much that I can bitch about in everyday news and plus it makes me feel good poke fun at it. What am I going to be "bitch"-ing about? How about Penisgate, Guns in school, and life in general? So without further ado, let’s talk about what has been bugging my brain for the past 2 weeks: The Columbine High School Massacre.

I know, I know, you saying "Hey you fat bastard, that was not a massacre, it was a tragedy!" How about we say it was both and add travesty to the list? See it was a massacre in the sense that all those kids (and the teacher) died without being able to lift a finger in their own defense. It became a tragedy when all those parents realized that their kids were gone forever. It became a travesty when the MEDIA descended like hordes of locusts on that small town to pick apart and how about the GUN CONTROL FREAKS?? Before I rip into the lobbyists that are trying to take our rights away from us, let us speak about the blame being passed around.

Now we, as a country, have become obsessed with lawsuits (frivolous and otherwise) and with a lawsuit, there always has to be someone at FAULT, someone to BLAME in other words. Now with the massacre in Littleton, the blame is being passed around to quite a few things. The Internet, TV violence, movie violence, and most of all, the NRA. The way people are screaming about the NRA, you would think that they handed the boys (I refuse to call them monsters) the guns and bombs, trained them, and then pointed them at the school while cheering them on. Ok, I know the NRA has a huge anti-gun control lobby and they run a little to the left most of the time with their opinions, but they are basically good people at heart with misplaced priorities. Should the gun laws be changed? Definitely! I think all weapons should have a 14 day waiting period and that you should have to be 18 years old (minimum) to buy any weapon or ammunition. That’s the way I feel about it, now let’s get back to the blame game.

Let’s talk about whom is ultimately to blame for this and those people are the PARENTS. What’s that you say? How are the parents to blame for this? It comes down to this: if they would have been more interested in what the kids were doing or just looked around a bit more or just been a bit more concerned, I would not be writing this piece right now. My parents always knew what I was doing (most of the time) and even when they didn’t they had a pretty good idea of what I was up to. Now these parents could be in a rather huge spot of trouble because there is a movement happening to make parents more liable for their children’s actions. It may be too late for this to apply to this case (or is it?) but I can see it happening in the near future. I know the one set of parents must be afraid since they aren’t talking to police. That is bad, because the whole world is thinking they know something they don’t want to tell. Enough talk about bad parents, let’s move on to the other things to blame.

From what I can see, every time something happens anywhere, to do with kids, it never fails that someone blames movie and TV violence. Once again, this comes back to parenting. The parents control what the kids watch. Alas, most parents use Mr. TV as a babysitter, so he gets to fill their heads with sweet ideas of blowing things up and blowing things away. Along comes the Internet, the great Super information freeway or highway or whatever bullshit they are calling it these days. I look at it like this: The Internet is a huge city (albeit a virtual one) that has good sides and bad sides, just like a real city. Think about where you live for a minute. Think about the worst part of town, you know the place I’m talking about. That street where the hookers hang out and the crack dealers sell in plain view of the cops (if there are any in sight) or the place the cops are afraid to go. Would you let your child go down there? Believe it or not, there are places just like that on the Internet, only difference is, there are no police. I tell this to everyone I know, but the Internet is no place for children UNLESS they are supervised. I know plenty of morons who call themselves parents who let their kids do as they please on a computer, on the Internet. Then when the kid gets ends up getting into trouble the parents always have that same blank look during the interview with local news. My favorite line is "I never imagined he could do this over the Internet." Of course not you nitwit, because kids are clever, quick and ready to pull one over on you at any given time. If the parents would have been on the Internet and had an idea of what was out there, they would have been ready to deal with whatever the kids might have done or in most cases there wouldn’t have been any trouble at all. Alas, this is not the way it happened, now is it?

Well, that’s all I have to say about this. It’s too bad the media doesn’t feel the same way though. Watching the coverage of the massacre was pretty sad and I would be a lying bastard if I said I didn’t tear up a bit when the parents started talking about their children who are now dead. What yanks my ballsack is the way the "press" descended on that town like vultures to fresh roadkill. It was an ugly thing when you see some of the scenes and it is more newsvans then ambulances in the pictures. We are obsessed the violent and we depend on the news people to bring it into our living rooms. We don’t care about the sports scores. We don’t care about the weather. We want the BGG (blood – guts – gore)!! Just like the song goes…. "..got the bubble-headed bleach blonde, she comes on at five. She can tell you about the plane crash with a gleam in her eye. It’s interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry!" (Dirty Laundry - From the Don Henley LP "I Can't Stand Still")

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."

The Daily Bitch

August 19, 1998 Vol. 3 Issue 3

Well, it's done. I'm finally into my new apartment, I mean "Townhouse." It's not much to look at and there ain't a lot of room in it for the shit I got to walk away with but it'll do for right now. That brings up an interesting point. I think I finally understand why divorces can be so much fun. See in my previous relationship (before the one that just ended) I really didn't have much to speak of. A computer, some clothes, TV and VCR. The furniture was garage sale second hand, so I didn't care what the X did with it. Now in my last relationship, we worked some real hard times and finally got a bit ahead in the world and WE (we as in me and her) decided to buy some furniture and other personal items. Now mind you we both worked hard for the money. Wait, that's not exactly true, come with me while we go back in history.....

Now when me and the latest X got hooked up there in Syracuse, things were really tough. I was still going to college earning that minimum wage. Whereas the X had just left her husband (yeah, you read that right - I could be blamed for breaking up an already bad marriage) and was in the process of filing for a divorce. Now she had a house with that soon to be X-husband that they sold eventually for about 100K which they split 50-50. Now the X's lawyer gave her the idea of investing in some property and he would pay her "interest" on the money. She decided to do it. So now she has a little extra coming in and along with mine, we are able to get a little stuff. After this "investment" started maturing a bit, the X decides we need a vehicle, so WE (we as in we both looked at the car - but she had the money) bought a car. It was a good little car and served our purposes real well (even better once the dealer replaced the transmission after it damn near dropped out of the car after about 10 days). Now I finish the college thing and can go get a "real" job that pays better. Well, I get one, sort of. It takes a little time since Syracuse is "small" when it comes to computer companies and I don't have the experience that the two big stores in town are looking for. So I have to aim a bit lower and take a job at a "mom & pop" shop doing the computer thing figuring this will at least establish my name in the area (what a joke that turned out to be). Anyway, everything "works out" and somehow I end up moving to Rochester and working for Kodak for money that I only once dreamed of. Mind you the whole time, I'm bringing in a constant trickle of cash, while we "burn" through the X's money buying things like a second computer, a better car (with payments), some furniture, and mind you were constantly upgrading our domicile as we could afford it. Always on the lookout for that "better" house or apartment. Finally the investment money ran out (yeah it was done - 50k or so gone in 2.5 years) but we had a lot to show for it. Now since the investment money is no longer coming in, it's up to me to find a better paying job so we can continue in the lifestyle we are living. This brings me to my job at EDS. This job brought me a pay raise large enough to cover the lack of the X's money that is no longer coming in and we lived like this for most of the last year together, with MY money (yeah, I said my money - after all, I'm working for it) paying the car payment, part of the rent, and the bills. I say part of the rent because the X had got a bad knee which gives her the ability to collect Social Security and not have to work. Which was fine by me since, she did all the house stuff and all I usually had to do was garbage, groceries and the dog. Ahh the "dogger", a black miniature toy poodle called Sambeau that we bought about three and a half years ago and he has been OUR baby. Uh oh, I'm getting pissed so allow me to bitch for a second: Now imagine this shit, you have raised this little animal for the past 3.5 years and he thinks the world of you. That's the way dogs are, they give you that undying love just to be touched and know that you care for them. See this shit really pisses me off to the point of fucking tears. That is much my animal as it hers, but I'm the bigger person (I'm assuming this) because I let her "have" the dog. I mean after all it was HER $300 that paid for him. After all, in the beginning I didn't even want the little shit, I thought it was a bad idea. So therefore it must be HER dog, right? Get this, you know who I miss more out of the last relationship? If you guessed the dogger then Sparky, go get your prize!

Ok, now where was I before I got all teary-eyed over missing my little buddy? Oh yeah, so anyway now that I have really fucked up by doing so many terrible things (don't ask me what I did, I'm still trying to figure it out) and the stress of my son coming back to live with us would surely drive her to edge of death, I know must get out and end this relationship. Now comes the fun time, dividing what is HERS and what is MINE. For starter's forget ALL and I do mean ALL of the furniture. Well except for those two lamps and that halogen post lamp, you can have those. Goody! At least I'll be able to stare at the bleak emptiness of my new place. You can have some towels and washcloths, BUT NONE OF THE GOOD STUFF. Now mind you WE bought all of this stuff together, but now that the end has come, realization that it was HER money allows HER to assume "bought with my money - must be mine." So, basically I get my son's bed ( a twin - imagine the fun I've had sleeping on that lately), and my personal possessions. Now I have the better computer then her, so that's my laugh on that subject. Luckily, my brother is moving in, and he is brining all his "stuff" and I shouldn't worry because he has some couches and a chair and everything we could possibly need to start out. Mind you this sounded great in theory, but needless to say once we got it moved in, my place now looks like every college apartment you have ever seen. Second hand couches, the brand new TV perched on a stolen milk crate, paper plates, plastic cups (you know, the kind the beer comes in at your favorite college bar), and over in the corner "Computer Central." This is where live revolves, around the computer, after all what is life if you can't surf?

So this is what it comes down to, how quickly the fun times buying all that special stuff, get tossed into the dumpster as we rip out the old chainsaw and yell "YOU WANT HALF, COME AND GET YOUR HALF!" while showing the world exactly what makes that Sealy Posturepedic mattress so damn comfortable. I guess that's the way life goes, live and fucking learn, right?

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."

The Daily Bitch

August 14, 1998 Vol. 3 Issue 2

Hey there readers! Long time - no Bitch! The day has finally come! It (referring to my relationship) is now over! Yes I'm moving into my own apartment and becoming the desperate bar-hopping, looking for love in all the wrong places, of course I've had a vasectomy, would I lie to you, single that I always wanted to be. Sounds fun eh? I myself cannot wait, since this gives me even more shit to rehash in this thing we call "The Bitch."

Speaking of bitches, have you ever looked back at your relationships and wondered, if just for a moment, if there is something you could have done differently? Perhaps you simply don't look back (works for me) and consider everything that went wrong, the "other" person's fault. I tell you it is amazing what you will see if you do. To me when I look back, which is something I do in the car all the time, usally with my middle finger up in the air commenting on another driver's lack of experience, it tends to look like one of those scenes from all the Vietnam movies you've ever seen. You know the scene, bodies strewn about, bare earth stripped of foiliage, people walking around in a daze. I'm not sure why it looks like that and I could give two shits about trying to figure it out. After all, if I put everything I had into a "relationship" and it still fails, how can it be my fault? I gave my 100% but apparently someone else didn't. So now another name gets added to the "X" list and all the good times gets promptly forgotten, well except for the sex - no one forgets the sex because you'll be comparing that to the next person that comes along, and the bad times become engraved upon a special wrinkle in your brain, that is set asided for that purpose. Yep, out of those little bits that are too good to forget is always, always the sex. That's how the next relationship starts out, with sex and LOTS of comparisons.

So now that we have come to the final decision that it is over, what happens now? Well, if it's a mutual thing, hopefully you (like me) get some time to find that new place and move in. If things go bad then you may have to start checking with your friends and hoping the bastards (or bitches) remembers all the things you've done for them (and you may have to remind them - guilt is great) and now it's time for a little payback. Of course, after that you're living on borrowed time, since you're buddy doesn't care when you move out, but his "boss" does. Now you will have to tread very lightly in these situations or you AND your buddy could end you in that new place by yourselves. Now as cool as this idea looks, you buddy may have worked awful hard to keep a "piece" around so he wouldn't have to run out and get "take-out" all the time. Let's move on.

Now I'm sure that we all have the horror stories of past relationship, not all of us have the balls to write about it. Well Sparky, guess what, I've got them and they're fucking huge. What's that you say? Does my most recent "X" read my web page? Yes, she certainly does. Will this piss her off or possibly offend her? I hope fucking so! After all, I'm a "spiteful, mean fuck" (those are her words). Am I worried about what she might do or say? Afraid she might "cut me off" from all the fun stuff? Well considering that happend over 3 months ago, nah, not worried at all. I mean I dedicated a section on the "Myself" web page to her. Of course I'll having to be updating that to finish up with what a bitch she has become. Simply amazing when you think about it, how fast we go from "I can't stand a moment without you in my life" to "I wish you would get run over my a bus and taste your own blood!" Love, it's an ugly thing when you think about what it does to us. No drug on earth can compare to the way it makes you feel while you're "on" it and nothing can stop the feelings when you get "off" of it. Fucking Cunt! Did I type that? Shit, I thought I was just thinking that. Come back in a day or two when I be writing about how "what was ours is now mine, so get you shit-scratchers off of it you bastard!" See you then!

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."

The Daily Bitch

August 4, 1998 Vol. 3 Issue 1

Well it seems my own decaying relationship has given me plenty to write about. Maybe there is a lesson here to be learned, something to carry over to the next, something that may help one of you readers gain insight into your relationship. This little episode could be called "Ways to know when to get the Fat Lady warmed up" or "It ain't over until you say it's over, honey." Yeah, ways to tell your relationship is headed for a break-up or is breaking up. Sometimes the clues are there, but you might have to go get Scooby Doo and the Gang to help you figure them out.

Let's start with the little things, like say SEX. She (or he since I'm and equal opportunity kind of Bitcher) has stopped doing some of those "special" things that they used to love to do but now find repugnant. This is usually a good clue that this other person is A) becoming celibate, B) cheating on you, or C) can't stand the way you grunt when you have your "moment." Now this could be a single thing or all of the above (I'd like to see that). Some other things that usually revolve around that could be the lack of a good "cuddle" afterwards or perhaps if they move to the furthest side of the bed to avoid touching you any more then they have to. Perhaps the only sex you're getting is when you tell the other person to "fuck off?" This could be the beginning of the end as you know it.

Some things you might have to listen for in order to catch the nuance of the moment. Like your s/o (significant other - for you non-chatters) ceases talking about any future plans you might have made together. They might also start using more "I's" and "me's" in their sentences. Another indicator is now that stuff that used to be OURS is now YOURS and MINE. Financial records can also start coming under scrutiny, since the other person will no longer be depending on your earnings to co-exist with theirs.

A good tell tale sign, is that you come home and find YOUR shit out on the porch or lawn. It may or may not be boxed and depending on the situation, it might have been burning for a bit before you arrived on the scene. This is always a good sign that the relationship may be over and that there will not be any "making up" or "reconciling differences" going on after this. In fact, if you're lucky the police and/or fire department may show up depending on the size of the blaze.

Sometimes, things get "iffy" and you're not sure what's going on. You may have to dig a little deeper or listen a bit harder to find out the truth. For instance, is your s/o getting nasty with you? You know, those little verbal dart, those light spoken jabs, instead of being cute, do they hit a little too far below the beltline? Did they change or alter their appearance suddenly, much to your dismay? Have you found your conversations changing from "what would you do if I died" to "I wish you would die?" Or maybe they start wondering OUT LOUD what life would like without you in it.

In some cases it may be obvious, such as you find him/her standing over you wearing nothing but a hockey mask and holding a chainsaw. This could mean you have slipped into a bad "B" grade slasher flick or s/o wants you out of their life in the real bad way. Maybe they brought a date home and started necking on the couch BEFORE you moved out.

These are just a few things. If you have some to add, feel free to drop me a line at arcrego@frontiernet.net and let me know what some of the signs that you've seen. Now it's time for me to go oil the chainsaw and find that hockey mask.

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."

The Daily Bitch

July 31, 1998 Vol. 2 Issue 6

Being a veteran of the "I fell in love online" crowd, I have to say that honesty is a something that tends to get laid by the wayside when you're swept up in the romance. I see it as this "thing" that you have now is so great, so cool, so simply awesome, that nothing can get into the way. One thing usually does and it's called the truth. An ugly thing that tends to hurt so many people that it should classified a deadly weapon. Oh see you can lie at first, and try to get away with it, but unless you are extremely lucky, you will get caught. You always do, which is my case in point. Probably the whole reason my relationship is/has/or going to fail. See if you are not up front with your online lover AND they actually believe all that shit you told them AND they want to come be with the wonderful person that you have made yourself to be, then before they ever leave their front door heading to your house, you had better fess up to what you've done. This can be a hard thing to do, but sometimes the truth (the bastard it is) must be told. Like you don't make 80k a year and own your own house and drive a Dodge Stealth, you have to be "truthful" and explain to that person that you really work at Burger King and you rent an apartment and drive a 78 Ford Pinto that you're still making payments on. Now if this person gets mad and never talks to you again, then you deserved what you got, you lying bastard / bitch! On the other hand if this person tells you that they love you no matter what, then you have to worry whether it's "true love" or a mental case suffering some sort of psychotic breakdown. Let's move on to another important item: courage.

I say courage, because sometimes it's better to believe (in your mind) what a person looks like. Usually when you see the actual photo, it's a letdown. Not always but most of the time. Could also be that I'm embarrassed about the way I think I look. You know, that whole "3 people" concept? First person is the way people see you, the second person is the way you think people see you, and the third is the way you actually are. I think I read that in a psychology book somewhere. I know there is some sort of scientific term for it, but I don't know. What it all comes down to is that when you fall in love online you are falling in love with some font on a screen. The way a person types, the way a person expresses themselves, that's what you are falling for. This can be a problem since so many people can be total bullshit artists. You find yourself thinking "man, this person is just like me, knows what I'm thinking and everything, I must have found my soulmate." Now before you go much further, you must do one important thing: get a picture. Actually get alot of pictures, a picture of the person at their job, in front of their car. Make sure you get a close-up of your new "soulmate." Sometimes the truth (see above) will tend to come out then. Then before committing to that final act, make sure to try and met them in real life somewhere. This tends to bring out more of the truth. What that you say? You soulmate lives 1500 miles away? Ahh, that fickle feeling, love. Try and find a soulmate closer to home in that case. Unless of course your new soulmate does make oodles of cash, then they would have no problem flying you out to see them. Spend a weekend with them, get close, eat dinner, have that wild sex you have been talking about online. All of these things will show you more of your perspective soulmate's personality and you may find things that make them a little less attractive then you originally thought. You may just go home after a long weekend thinking "Whew! Maybe my soulmate is still out there."

You know, typing that gave me a flash of insight to myself. I have yet to find a person that I care about that I didn't want to try to impress. Maybe that is the type of person that will bring me the happiness that I want (need?) in my life. Is that what I'm looking for? Maybe that's what I'm looking for (and almost found with my current girlfriend/fiancée - soon to be X-all of the above), someone who would love me for just me. Uh oh, I'm depressing myself again, I need professional help for sure. My mind starts racing and I start thinking weird thoughts again (don't ask). One of the things that is really important to me is this: I want to get married someday. I have been in 2 fairly long relationships and have got no further then popping the question and giving away an engagement ring. After that point it seems to spin out and head down hill (maybe someday I'll figure out what I did wrong - maybe I have and just don't want to admit it). Am I a freak of MALE nature? Rather then fear it, instead I want a commitment? Yep, get me a sign and point at the guy behind that keyboard and yell FREAK! HE"S A TOTAL FRUIT! You get the idea, I consider myself a "new age sensitive kind of guy." You know, the ones who aren't afraid to cry during a movie or willing to listen to a woman's problem without thinking of how you use it to get into her pants (yes, some guys do that - sorry fellows, but I thought that secret should come out). Yes, some people call it being effeminate or a fag (I dare anyone to say that to me). Now that I realize it, I have become such a hypocrite. I think the idea of worshipping supermodels because they "embody" the perfect woman is wrong. What do I do? I enroll in the gym so I can alter my appearance to please others. All this in the hope that they will overcome their superficialness and look at me with desire in their eyes? I know it in my heart, I know that I'm dieting and working out not to get healthy, but to get laid. It's as simple as that or is it? Is that what I want? After all the talk of big brains vs. big hooters, I become as bad as the rest of humanity? I could care less, I have to go work out. BEEFCAKE!!!!

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."

The Daily Bitch

July 27, 1998 Vol. 2 Issue 5

Yep, that's right. This is turning out to be quite the little job. I thought I would be able to do a "bitch session" at least 2 or 3 times a week, but NO! I have to work and man is the work coming on strong. I go to class for a couple of days and everyone decides they need some sort of computer work done. One word for that - PRICKS! No not really, they are doing their jobs and I'm doing mine. Sometimes those jobs can really get you down though, can't they? I mean, you slam your ass from desk to desk fixing what each person considers their "class 1 priority level problem" when you consider it some nit-picky little shit that could've waited a couple of hours while you did some "real" priority work. Even though I think some of my customers are a pain, they think I'm (well 95%) think I'm the cat's meow. I decided to be a very proactive kind of guy at my location. I tell all the customers: "If I'm not at my desk to take your phone call, look around, I'm probobly in your area." This makes that 95% really happy, because they know I'm looking out for them. It's that other 5% that pisses me off. Those are the customers that expect you to drop what your doing and come RIGHT NOW. I could be on the phone talking to tech support, and they will wait, expecting me to either come now or as soon as I'm off the phone. For these people I have developed the "Call the Helpline" attitude. This attitude is one of my own creation, after all, if you're planning to piss me off by making my job hard then I'm exacting my measure of revenge by making you "use the system like it's supposed to be used." That means, call the helpline, get a work order, make sure they send it directly to me (in some cases I let the helpline screw with them for a bit) and then I come work on your machine. Ahh, sometimes it feels sooooo good!

I know, I can be a cruel son of a bitch, but hey, I expect nothing less from anyone else. My favorite place to go and bitch? McDonalds. Not any of the others, they don't brag about how good they are like old Micky D's does. So when I go to the Golden Arches, I expect to get the "crack" service that I'm shown on TV. Let me tell you, I am quite the bastard about this. My shit had better look just as good as the commercial (at least close) or I send it right back. To say that my Mickey D's around the corner hates me, would be an understatement. One thing to remember though, if you're going to be a bastard about your service, learn to be patient. That's because sometimes the perfection you're looking for may take a bit to achieve. The other thing you want to practice is your "smirk of injustice." The S.O.I. is the look to have. This look is a cross between a smile, a smirk, and that self-righteous indignant look you give someone when thier wrong and won't admit it. Now most of the time, this will a pay off nicely with many apologies and occassionally a free goodie or two thrown in. The only time it tends not to work is when you go to a McDonalds that is "lost in time." This is a store where the cumulative IQ can be measured in double digits, below 50 that is. You will not win in these places, for the simple fact that most of the people that work thier ARE DUMB AS SPIT! For instance, being the "healthy" (see the Bitch about Physical Fitness) human you are, you get that combo SUPER-SIZED. When you pull the fries from the bag, it looks more like they dumped a medium portion into your SS container. Most stores you simply ask for another, or if you're me, you let them decide (trust me, it's lots of fun - but then again, I have no life to speak of). This will be your first mistake, since this cause them to drop into some sort of looped logic lock state. This can be recognized by the blank look and/or glazed unblinking eyes. You must quickly snap them out of this or else they will be like this for what can seem an eternity (visit the Marathon, NY store for more details). No amount of SOI or sarcasm will help you, you must simply move straight to demanding what you want or asking for the manager. The latter will always work better since the manager always seems to be terminally pissed and is usally looking to hand one of the employess a ration of shit for upsetting a customer. I could go into that whole manager thing, but I won't because we all know his problem. If you don't know his problem, go apply for a job at your local fast food place, you'll learn real quick. So anyway, now you have your food, it's somewhat close to hot (at least the center is - thanks Mr. Microwave), so enjoy. Hmm all this talk of food has made hungry, I think if I hurry I can catch the manager before he leaves! Have fun kiddies!

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."

The Daily Bitch

July20, 1998 Vol. 2 Issue 4

Ok, so I been away for a few days. Yeah I know I'm supposed to update this thing once in awhile. Fuck off, I have a life too. If yours is anything like mine, it probably sucks too. So have you ever been in a relationship? I'm in one right now, at least I'm supposed to be, but it sure doesn't feel like it. See there is a basic problem in the way males and females look at this whole relationship thing. Guys tend to see it as easy sex on a semi-regular basis. Gals tend to see it as a "commitment" with it being the first step to marriage - the ULTIMATE relationship. Now sometimes it takes us a few times (maybe longer for the slower of us) to get this relation thing right. Now by right I mean with the right person, in the right place, in the right situation. Oh sure, you can be in a relationship with almost anyone at anytime, but the fun part is making it work. Now in any relationship the most important thing to have is communication. Because (you gals pay close attention here) guys do not read minds nor do we read body language very well. Well maybe a select few, but most of can not. Now if you expect things from your guy (or gal) you must TELL THIS PERSON, not play head-fuck games with them. When you do that, your s/o (significant other i.e. boyfriend) may end up with hurt feelings. See, maybe I get confused, but I must be in the wrong kind of relationship, this is why my life sucks. See, I try to do right all the time, but occassionally I fuck up (don't we all?). Now my s/o tends to clam up and shut off the old voice box. This is where the guessing games tends to start and I have to figure out exactly what I did wrong. To me it would seem eaiser if we acted like adults and just said what was on our minds. No, for some reason we do this to our kids (when or if you have them) but not to each other. For some reason, when we get pissed, we tend to pout and sulk. Now WTF does this prove? Does it advance anything? Does it resolve the hurt feelings or make it go away? No, the other person gets mad and the next thing you know, the arguement starts. Now in this arguement, two people who love each other dearly, will attempt to say the meanest thing possible in an all out "get even" effort. Sometimes that brings about the end of a relationship. Other cases (especially mine), actions tend to get mis-construed and then feelings that are already hurt, get hurt even more. I know one thing for sure, Monks have the right idea: vow of silence and a vow of chasity. Keep your mouth and your fly shut and you'll have no problems. When's the last time you heard of a monk grabbing a butcher knife and going on a three state killing spree? See? I'm right about this. Maybe that's what I'll do, start my monastary and train monks. I could call them "The Brothers of Saint Silicon Microsoft" or some such shit like that. Hide in my room, keep my mouth shut and surf my life away. As for that sex thing....I'd have to work at that.

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."

The Daily Bitch

July 7, 1998 Vol. 2 Issue 3

The health craze in this country is not for people in their right mind. I mean I have seen more money change hands to change a lifestyle then I have seen to buy cars. What is this country coming to? For some reason now the gov. has gotten involved by saying that more people are obese then ever before. Is this a suprise in the age of the "super-size combo?" I mean everywhere you look, the fast food joints are practically giving away food to get you into you their stores. The people are more then happy, for a mere 40 cents you can have 25% more food. Such a freaking deal! How can you pass it up?! Then there is the health food stores, why do all the people working there look they have one foot in the grave? If health food is so good, why do they look so bad? They are just as bad, some of these vegatarians. They have ways of making you quit eating meat by scaring you with all these little tidbits of nasty meat knowledge. They won't hesitate to tell you how chickens are slaughtered, from the moment they pick them off the ground to the point where the beaks and heads are ground up into different types of animal feed including CHICKEN FEED! And you know how many different chemicals there are in a piece of Beef. Yep, I've heard it all before and I'm sure I'll here it all again. When you look at the food they are promoting like TOFU. Just what the scrog is tofu? Bean curd? I know that cottage cheese has curds and you can make cheese curds, but how can a bean make a curd? Then there is the appearance. A square white block of jello. Can you say soylent green boys and girls? I knew you could. I have seen some of the ways that you can change tofu and disguise it into burgers, meatballs and other goodies. Some of these companies have done wonders with making that little block actually edible, and if you can forget it's tofu, you can enjoy it. I heard that tofu is the second most hated food in the United States. Go figure, it's so good for you!

So now, it's not that you should look like Arnold or Julia, but you should get yourself in shape. How come when I go to the gym, all I see is T-rex's (that a muscle -bound freaks, to you and me Sparky) and skinny little women? Speaking of T-rex's, what drives someone to put on that much muscle? Competition? That is an athelete? I'm sorry, poeple like Emmit Smith and Carl Sanders are athletes. I can see where they use those types of muscles and why they have them. Call me stupid, but I don't get it. I can see being built, you know, enough muscle to be considered strong. Not to where I can flex and show you every single muscle in the deltoid group. That's kind of scary. I mean I'll stand in awe looking at the guy and wish I was like that, but I want no part of the time investment. When I get to the gym where are the poeple that should be there? Maybe someone should open a gym aimed specifically at that "big" person out there. Maybe that's why alot of people don't go. All fat (yeah I'm talking about you) are very self concious and for as many as that would go and start trying to do something there are just as many who are lazy and don't care. So how can you expect them to go to these places and fear that everyone is staring and thinking "man that dude / lady is huge!" So they stay home and continue on their path of self-destruction. I actually like (I hate to say this) Richard Simmons, for the simple fact HE is the only skinny person on his tapes. He was once that size and knows what these people are thinking. It's not that way in the infomercials for the "thighmaster", "Buns of Steel", "Abs of Steel", you name it. Then take a look at the people hawking this junk. Do they look like they need it? You know full well they did not use JUST this "wonder" to achieve those results, but we are supposed to believe it. Why is this? We (as I'm one of those larger people) posses a great deal of buying power in this country. There should be a "fat revolution" where super models should be banned instead of worshipped. Those whores sold their soul to some demon of hunger to get those bodies and we follow right along wishing we were like that. We are made to feel ashamed and sinful for being our size, and being the sheep we are, we buy the whole lot. Super Size that for me would you? And make that a diet coke too.....

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."

The Daily Bitch

July 4, 1998 Vol. 2 Issue 2

Well, Independence day is here. Hmm, a perfect opportunity if there ever was one. Maybe it's time for another Civil War. Civil War, that's an oxymoron if ever I heard one. How can war be civil? Can you be civil during a war? Who really gives a shit? I most certainly don't. What I do give a shit about is the sorry state that our government is in. If you walk up to people and say you work for the IRS, you will find yourself shunned quicker then if you had AIDS and Leprosy at the same time. Before anyone writes me and bitches about AIDS and the victims, stop their and FUCK OFF! It's a terrible disease and I know it, no one I know has died of it yet, but I went through the scare back in the late 80's since I had 3 blood transfusions during 3 separate hip surgeries. I gave several pints of blood over the next 7 years just to get the free HIV test. The seven years passed and now I feel better. Anyone who knowing transmits this terrible plague should be shot. Ok? Anyway, back to the IRS. Can you name any other government institution that is feared more by the citizens that support it? Which are you more afraid of? The FBI tapping your computer or the IRS letting you know they want to audit you? Ever heard of anyone having a heart attack when their in the Social Security office having paperwork checked out? Me neither. I'm glad that some people have finally got their shit together up on Capitol Hill and decided to shine some light on their practices. Although some of the stories that have come out of the employees (of course they are granted immunity) are really scary. Did you know that they still use terminals and magnetic tape in there? Congress has got their act together and there will be a new tax code written by 2002. Hmm I wonder how bad that one will fuck the average man? I recently got a new job that pays considerably more then my last. Guess what? I now get more taxes taken out of my check. I'm not talking about the FICA thing, I know what that is about. I just hope it's there when I need it. I'm talking about the federal tax and the state tax. I figure I lose almost $250 from every check. That much is with taking 5 deductions, that's 2 more then I am "entitled" to. I cannot figure out how this shit fucking works! All I know is that the more I make, the more I get taxed. I really understand what those Freeman and Militias are bitching about. TAXES. It comes down to this, we as Americans pay some of the highest rent in the world on our country. How do they do it in Europe, better yet, Japan? I think if more people realized this, this country would see another Civil War. A war on taxes, a war on something we can't understand without the help of a $200 an hour TAX attorney. Go figure this: some fuck has gone to school to learn how the Gov. screws you out of money and charges you what ever he feels to help you get some of it back. If he fucks it up, does he go to jail, nope, you do. Fuck you very much Uncle Sam.

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."