The Daily Bitch

July 31, 1998 Vol. 2 Issue 6

Being a veteran of the "I fell in love online" crowd, I have to say that honesty is a something that tends to get laid by the wayside when you're swept up in the romance. I see it as this "thing" that you have now is so great, so cool, so simply awesome, that nothing can get into the way. One thing usually does and it's called the truth. An ugly thing that tends to hurt so many people that it should classified a deadly weapon. Oh see you can lie at first, and try to get away with it, but unless you are extremely lucky, you will get caught. You always do, which is my case in point. Probably the whole reason my relationship is/has/or going to fail. See if you are not up front with your online lover AND they actually believe all that shit you told them AND they want to come be with the wonderful person that you have made yourself to be, then before they ever leave their front door heading to your house, you had better fess up to what you've done. This can be a hard thing to do, but sometimes the truth (the bastard it is) must be told. Like you don't make 80k a year and own your own house and drive a Dodge Stealth, you have to be "truthful" and explain to that person that you really work at Burger King and you rent an apartment and drive a 78 Ford Pinto that you're still making payments on. Now if this person gets mad and never talks to you again, then you deserved what you got, you lying bastard / bitch! On the other hand if this person tells you that they love you no matter what, then you have to worry whether it's "true love" or a mental case suffering some sort of psychotic breakdown. Let's move on to another important item: courage.

I say courage, because sometimes it's better to believe (in your mind) what a person looks like. Usually when you see the actual photo, it's a letdown. Not always but most of the time. Could also be that I'm embarrassed about the way I think I look. You know, that whole "3 people" concept? First person is the way people see you, the second person is the way you think people see you, and the third is the way you actually are. I think I read that in a psychology book somewhere. I know there is some sort of scientific term for it, but I don't know. What it all comes down to is that when you fall in love online you are falling in love with some font on a screen. The way a person types, the way a person expresses themselves, that's what you are falling for. This can be a problem since so many people can be total bullshit artists. You find yourself thinking "man, this person is just like me, knows what I'm thinking and everything, I must have found my soulmate." Now before you go much further, you must do one important thing: get a picture. Actually get alot of pictures, a picture of the person at their job, in front of their car. Make sure you get a close-up of your new "soulmate." Sometimes the truth (see above) will tend to come out then. Then before committing to that final act, make sure to try and met them in real life somewhere. This tends to bring out more of the truth. What that you say? You soulmate lives 1500 miles away? Ahh, that fickle feeling, love. Try and find a soulmate closer to home in that case. Unless of course your new soulmate does make oodles of cash, then they would have no problem flying you out to see them. Spend a weekend with them, get close, eat dinner, have that wild sex you have been talking about online. All of these things will show you more of your perspective soulmate's personality and you may find things that make them a little less attractive then you originally thought. You may just go home after a long weekend thinking "Whew! Maybe my soulmate is still out there."

You know, typing that gave me a flash of insight to myself. I have yet to find a person that I care about that I didn't want to try to impress. Maybe that is the type of person that will bring me the happiness that I want (need?) in my life. Is that what I'm looking for? Maybe that's what I'm looking for (and almost found with my current girlfriend/fiancée - soon to be X-all of the above), someone who would love me for just me. Uh oh, I'm depressing myself again, I need professional help for sure. My mind starts racing and I start thinking weird thoughts again (don't ask). One of the things that is really important to me is this: I want to get married someday. I have been in 2 fairly long relationships and have got no further then popping the question and giving away an engagement ring. After that point it seems to spin out and head down hill (maybe someday I'll figure out what I did wrong - maybe I have and just don't want to admit it). Am I a freak of MALE nature? Rather then fear it, instead I want a commitment? Yep, get me a sign and point at the guy behind that keyboard and yell FREAK! HE"S A TOTAL FRUIT! You get the idea, I consider myself a "new age sensitive kind of guy." You know, the ones who aren't afraid to cry during a movie or willing to listen to a woman's problem without thinking of how you use it to get into her pants (yes, some guys do that - sorry fellows, but I thought that secret should come out). Yes, some people call it being effeminate or a fag (I dare anyone to say that to me). Now that I realize it, I have become such a hypocrite. I think the idea of worshipping supermodels because they "embody" the perfect woman is wrong. What do I do? I enroll in the gym so I can alter my appearance to please others. All this in the hope that they will overcome their superficialness and look at me with desire in their eyes? I know it in my heart, I know that I'm dieting and working out not to get healthy, but to get laid. It's as simple as that or is it? Is that what I want? After all the talk of big brains vs. big hooters, I become as bad as the rest of humanity? I could care less, I have to go work out. BEEFCAKE!!!!

I’m done for today. Consider yourself "Bitched at."