Alright, by now you know I can be a bit morbid, so rather then go out quietly when it's "my time" I want it to be more like every cheesey movie (especially those from the 80's) with a death in it. At my funeral, no oratories on what a great dad I was, or good friend, or husband. No. I want a soundtrack and here are some of my picks:

1. Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest
2. Pet Shop Boys - Sinner
3. Johnny Cash - On The Evening Train
4. Death Cab for Cutie - What Sarah Said
5. Chemical Brothers - My Elastic Eye
6. Cold Play - Troubles
7. Cranberries - Dreams
8. Gorrilaz-Tomorow comes today
9. Iggy Pop & Francoise Hardy - I'll be Seeing You
10. INXS - Never Tear Us Apart
11. Moby - Natural Blues
12. Moby - My Weaknees
13. Pink Floyd - The turning away
14. The Cure - Just Like Heaven
15. Alphaville - Forever Young

Amazing Grace. On the bagpipes. Fookin' right! Preferably live with about 10-15 pipers and a couple of drummers. And... and since they are there, hit me with a round of "Scotland The Brave." After that, listeners choice (I'd recommend "The Mist Covered Mountains").

Of course, this is just a start. I want it to play for about 2 hours. I'm going to need a DJ to line these up, but these will be the songs that will make the tears flow, and the smiles appear.

Okay... today's discussion: Bitterness, hurt feelings, and leaving friends behind.


Now as you know I kind of monitor my son's communications with his friends. Not all the time, just a random sampling or when I think "something" is going on. Case in point is below:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: John (my son)
Date: May 31, 2007 8:54 AM
Subject: Re: hey handsome
To: Emma (the girlfriend)

Well maybe instead of bowling we could just stay at your house, cause I don't remember the last time we had time to ourselves. So I'll try to talk to my dad, but I really can't guarantee anything cause he might still be pissed about the text message thing, and I don't know if anything is going on this weekend at all. By the way I hope your ok about what I told you about last night, I was just for warning you, and not tell you at the last minute. Oh get this, my father got all pissed cause I told you. I said to him that this doesn't affect me at all, and he gave me a death look. I got really pissed about that cause he doesn't care what happen to our relationship, or my friends, cause I'd be giving all that I have here just to make him happy. Fucking selfish prick, god I hate him. Well don't worry about that cause I won't have to worry about him for much longer. Well I love you and I miss you so so so much.

Nice huh? All this because of an online application I had put in for a casino job in Erie. For some reason, this bothered me A LOT. I may be a prick, I may be a fucking prick, but I am not selfish when it comes to my family life. I got (and until yesterday) very angry. Angry? More like FUCKING LIVID!

WHERE DO YOU GET OFF CALLING ME THAT, YOU INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE SHIT? LIVE 1 YEAR OF MY LIFE! YOU KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE WORKED TO GET WHERE I'M AT? REMEMBER THE PROMISE I MADE YOU SO MANY YEARS AGO? NO? I KNOW YOU DON'T BECAUSE IF YOU DID YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER SAID THAT! ARRRGGGHH! LET'S GO OUTBACK MOTHERFUCKER! I'LL KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND LET'S SEE HOW MUCH YOU HATE ME WHEN YOU'RE NURSING A BLACK EYE!

wheeew..... just breathe...

When I read it, it was like something popped inside of my head. The levee overflowed, the dam broke, whatever analogy fits. For the first time in my life I felt truly betrayed and I had nothing to say. I could only sit and try and wrap my brain around what was said. My life with my son sped by in my head and I tried to find "that" point. What it was that caused him to say such a thing.

Why?

Because it's not like I found it in a diary. Like I found a private thought, something he wouldn't have ever said. No, instead I found it in an e-mail to his girlfriend. The same one, that doesn't like his family. That shit just kills me right there. I know that she spends time "dissin'" us because of the restrictions placed on John.

My wife finally brought me around and it took 2 weeks for me to get over this. I mean constant headaches from stressing about it. Feeling like I'm going crazy. He simply has no idea of what he said. The more I talk to him trying to get inside his head in an attempt to figure out this statement. It's simple. He's immature, emotional and a teenager. I guess I missed that part of my life. I really was that when I was his age. I can only think of one time I had words like this with my Mom, and it was never that bad, it was over and we talked it out. Teresa simply kept hitting me with the same thing: He does not understand.

Of course, I know that Teresa isn't happy about it either, because a classic moment came when he was about to go to the local amusement park. We just found out that he would be there ALL day until the park closed. Unsupervised. He told me and wanted to find out if he could still go. I said sure, whatever. It was at that point that Teresa stood up and harpooned him... "John, just remember who let you go and gave you that money when you and her are talking about what an asshole your father is." I was stunned. All I could do was smile.

I moved on. I had to. It still hurts. A lot. I can only hope that at some point, when he is more mature he will reflect on this moment and realize what he said. We will talk, we will heal fully.


In other news, that is less serious, one of my online friends told me that our "little game clan" was no more. I feel partly to blame because I was one of the major players in it and I just couldn't bring myself to split my time between a new game I had discovered. It wasn't really new it was just that I had never gotten into MMORPGs and never knew why, but come to find out Star Wars Galaxy is really cool. I kept promising myself that I would quit, but I just kept playing. 1 week turned into 2. 2 into 3. 3 into 4 and before I knew it, I didn't see anyone online anymore. Finally John jumped to another clan (for him the "tag" is important) and Kustom finally told me this morning to drop my tags. Free Agents Clan is dead. Bummer. Now that it's gone I miss it. Then again, I suck. If I would have just dedicated 1 night to playing. Just a couple of hours maybe we would still be a gang of base-raping asshats. Alas, tis no more.

BTW... I'm not dropping my tags. So Call, Kustom, Suicidal, Kev, Roger, and all the rest... see you out there!

Yesterday was my BIRTHDAY!! All of 39 years old now and still not thinking I'm old, but I guess I'm getting there.

Anyhoo, my wife, the cool person she is, surprised me with tickets to go see "Spamalot" which was REALLY funny and good. I enjoyed it immensely and I simply have to thank her for that!

Why are you sitting there? Go get tickets now!

Need to vent....

I've had a couple of people ask me about my son's choice of military service in this time of "war" we are in. Well, I have this to say (without going into the politics of our leaders) about that: I think that ALL citizens should have to do a mandatory 2 year tour of duty in our armed forces. Russia does it (or maybe they don't anymore), Isreal, and Switzerland all have this policy. We should too. Think of what it will do for the average kid coming out of high school. Before you go to college (unless you are on a scholarship) you go to 2 years in the service of your choice. Let's look at the some of the benefits: 1) More maturity, 2) more disciplined (buckling down and studying) 3) Less alcohol on campus (maybe). The kids coming back will be ready to handle most anything set before them. Professors will enjoy more studious students. Potential students would be more equipped to pick out their majors, maybe even based on what they learn in the military. It's just an idea, but I think it has it's merits. As a side effect, think of the kids who would be on the streets who can't go to college. This is your normal cannon fodder anyways (due to social-economic disparity), imagine getting ahold of them before the gangs do. Now after 4 years in the Military, you give them a full ride to college. Now they are educated! Ready to return to their neighborhoods and be an example to others.

Okay, as I was saying about my son. Oh wait, I did say that in the statement above. I once read a quote “Freedom has a taste, and for those that have fought for it, the taste is so sweet the protected will never know…” That was said by General George S. Patton Jr. and I think he might now what he was talking about. I was unable to join the military due to my hip problem, and I know that if I would have, I would most likely have made a career out it. What the GI bill offers is great for someone just starting out in life and with all the sign-up bonuses that the different branches are offering, he will have quite a little nest egg after a couple of years. He'll be prepared to face whatever challenges come his way. There I'm done.

Funeral for the ex-equine

So I just happen to login to John's MySpace account just to see if anyone has posted anything about him. Lo and behold there are 2 e-mails! The first one is from Nicki and basically says (yes I'm paraphrasing this for quickness) "I'm not a skank! I've had a serious boyfriend for over a year and we were on a break. You should get over yourself!"

Hmm... okay. You were with the same guy for a over a year, the minute you broke up you found another guy. Sounds odd to me, but hey, I'm getting older all the time.

The next one is from Nicki's Mom. Yes, that's right, her mother. (again paraphrasing) "I know that are parenting styles differ, but calling a 17 year old girl a skank is childish."

Alright, it is childish, but if the shoe fits? So that is the bone of contention here? Don't mind that your daughter is sneaking in to boy's houses, OR the fact that she is being dropped out of a 2nd story window. Yeah, to say our parenting styles differ is an understatement.

Let's consider this done now. Moving on, unless my son decided to screw up again, but let's hope he's learned a lesson here.

I'm a freak!?

In a weird twist of events, Nicki has deleted the post that got John busted. Although there is a new one there.

From Nicki's MySpace page:

"....the parents of john: my mom didnt ground me or anything for jumping out of a window, or the fact that i was over there. im almost 18. in fact, she thinks your over protective freaks. hes 17, not 12. get over it, hes not gonna a kid forever. just so you know."

To Nicki:
Uh... I'm rubber, your glue... bounces off of me and sticks to you. (cough, cough) Skank! (cough, cough)

I had like a whole tirade typed out, but then I stopped and thought why? Let's leave sleeping dogs lie, I erased it and changed it to what I have above. I like that much better!

Also, due to an outpouring of sympathy to John from those whose life he has touched, I have relented and dropped the punishment down to 2 weeks, rather then 30 days. Although his computer is still getting moved into the kitchen. The "have a computer in the room" privilege is gone until further notice (he'll also be sharing it with his 3 yr old sister too).

I can only hope that he learns that his actions do have consequences. I did a lot of crazy shit when I was his age as my mom so recently pointed out to me after she read this. She also stated she would have beaten me too. She caught me at a lot of it, but some she did not. Maybe there is a lesson for me to learn somewhere in there?

PS... last night, his friend Jean came over to say howdy. It was getting dark and I offered Jean a ride home. Jean declines saying he only lives like a 5 minute walk away. Confused, I look at John who realizes that ANOTHER lie just caught up to him. Yep, this was the kid who was supposed to live so far way that it took him so long to get home (the original lie). All I could do was just shake my head at John.

BUSTED!

So you know how a picture is worth a 1000 words? How about a screen shot?
Exhibit #1

That might a little hard to read, but here is the gist of it: Mom and Dad leave. Nicki, the new s/o (significant other - since she is not a girlfriend) stops by while while parents are gone. Parents arrive back without warning. S/O hides in closet for a while until time is safe. Then drops out of second story window to escape / avoid capture / meet the parents. As if to seal the deal, that comment on the bottom of the page is my son's. Talk about signing the confession!
The Drop
The Drop from another angle
Bending my trim! <--she hooked her foot here (also broke two of my Xmas light clips)

The night it happened....Wednesday
Now what makes this interesting is that as soon as we get home, the 3 year old is pulling on Mommy saying "Mommy come see the girl on John's bed!" She is pretty persistent about the wanting us to see, so Mommy goes to check. She looks around and sees nothing. Mind you if she had turned around and check the closet, the game would have been up. We proceed to "check" with Emma (our 3 year old) to see what kind of description she gives. My wife just writes it off. Meanwhile, I'm looking at John.... my cockroach sense is tingling something awful. I mean I have that tingle that you get right before a lightning strike. That strong. I can't get past the feeling, but I can't find what he's hiding and he's not admitting anything, so I move on. At most I'm thinking he was on the phone or the computer instead of watching his sister.

The Heartbreak.... Thursday
So we get home from Target and John is all moody. He won't tell me why and after 20 minutes of badgering, I give up. I guess about an hour passes and my wife comes down and explains why he is upset. Apparently the new S/O (Nicki) doesn't want anything to do with him. SHE PLAYED HIM! Boy, did we warn him on that one. Did he listen? Nope. How much is this going to suck? Keep reading....

The Discovery .... Friday
My wife loves scandals, but only when it other people. She's not a gossip, but she LOVES a good secret. I come home from work and John is at the movie with the ex-GF just enjoying a date as friends and I start talking to my wife about what she found out the previous night. I mention I would like to see the e-mail so we decide to go check out his machine. Since I have his passwords (yeah I'm that kind of parent) we login and cruise around until we find the page in question (see above). It only takes a minute for me to put it all together..... and I lose my freaking mind.

I'm gone. I'm looking at my wife and she is just as shocked as I can. I snatch the phone up and call John. He is in the movie and answers...

"yes sir?"
"John, you need to go to the lobby right now and let me know when you're there!"
"I'm in the lobby now."
"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND!!??!! (it went downhill from there for about a good minute) YOU HAD BETTER GET OUT OF THAT MALL RIGHT NOW I'M ON MY WAY!!"

I hung up and I don't remember any of what my wife said. I was really pissed for a multitude of reason (not watching sister, dropping girl out of second story window, jealous boyfriend, etc). I get in the van and drive down to the mall, fuming the whole time.

As I pull in, I see the EX-GF hanging out with him, but upon seeing my vehicle she high-tails for the mall. John walks up and I tell him to go get her. She looks terrified, but all I want to know is if she has been to my house w/o my permission. No, never, (even adding a sir on there). Then to seal the deal, I ask her if John told her about why I'm so bent, (just to seal the coffin) and he has. She then volunteers information that basically paints Nicki as the "School's official Skank." Nice. The ride home involves a lot of shouting, harsh words, and some expletives that would have made my late grandfather (32 yr Army Sargent) proud.

So, what to do. Well, he's already emotionally in the shitter, so I finish it off. Let's try a month of nothing. You think nothing of placing your family before your penis, so nothing it is. No phone, no computer, no ps2, no TV, nothing. He is allowed to either be in his room reading or sitting in the living room with us. Period. For him, being around me is like living with someone with a multiple - personality disorder. Happy Dad - Psycho Dad. I tell the story and people and everyone is laughing and what not. The minute I see him start smiling, I'm all over him. Psycho-Dad. "What the fuck are you smiling about? You think this shit is funny? You think you're cute?" It works. He wanders off near tears. I can laugh about it. I can make other people laugh about it. That's how I ease my pain. Him? He's the immature little dork who thought he could get one over on his parents with no consequences. Wrong!

Ooops!
We are setting around at the hotel hanging out (we went to in-laws for Easter) and my wife thinks she is going to work on the some school stuff. At least she did until she found the free wi-fi and started surfing. Where? Back to Myspace and google mail, when in the process of digging even further, she finds that two weeks previous when he was out riding his bike around he went to Nicki's house for a visit.
Exhibit #2

What makes this fun, is that again it is a LIE! See, he wanted to go for a ride. I said sure. Off he went. Come dinner time, we decide to go out, so I call John on his cell to come home. No problem on the way. A good 15 minutes go by and still no John. I call him again, I can hear him huffing and puffing on his bike (over the phone) he's on the way. Why is it taking him so long? Because he went over to Jean's house and was playing his Xbox 360 and couldn't drag himself away. What? No problem, you're ground from your PS2 for a week. There that should teach you. I don't this kid or his parents. This moment comes back to haunt me 2 weeks later and it makes perfect sense. Yeah, it would take 15 minutes to travel back from the s/o's house.

Needless to say, if I could find my mind, I'm sure I would lose it again. All said and one, I'm hurt. To the core. I give the boy everything he wants (not spoiling him - he has to earn it), and this is my payback. I told him that this is two strikes, one more and it's off to Momma-ville. She can put up with his lying bullshit until he's 18.

Okay... I said "300" was really cool. Take a read at what this columnist over at Film.com said about it.

http://www.film.com/story/300changesthecgigame/13813411?listid=11597472&genre=movie

Wow. That's all I can say.

Went to see "300" on Thursday night (yeah, I'm just now posting about it). What a great movie! Not because of the acting, but because of the cinematography. I mean watching a movie that you are WATCHING the movie, not fawning over the actors.

It's based LOOSELY of the Battle of Thermopolyae that happened during the Greco-Persian wars. One of the final battles, it was one of the most memorable. Obviously since we still remember over 2200 years later. Which is amazing when you think of it. This all happened BC, as in before Jesus was born and we know that it has been a while since he was strolling the block.

The movie is not really a date movie. That is unless of course you want your date swooning over all the buff dudes in their leather speedos. I couldn't believe that one myself. They should come out with a "300" calendar for the ladies. All the Spartans "strikin' a pose" for 12 months. I'm sure it would sell to a lot of geeks too. One of the "I'm not gay" things for some of them....

So as I'm talking to someone, I realize that I could be making money. I know the idea of sandwich boards or signs isn't new, but what about the idea of "meatspace" pop-up ads?

See, the way it would work, is that you could sell your time to ad companies. Time that you would waste, like having conversations, on the way to the water cooler, waiting for coffee. You could just print out the ads you want to show and then put them in a three ring binder you hang around your neck. Then every couple of minutes, you could flip the page showing a new ad.

It's been done before I realize, but never ON people. You see them at the baseball & basketball games on the sidelines. I'm proposing the same thing, except ON PEOPLE.

Right now, it could just be something printed. Maybe later, I'll evolve it into like a scrolling electronic thing.

So it goes. As much as things change, they stay the same. My son comes home on Tuesday and says his relationship is over. Wow, he seems to be taking it well. Come to find out he did the breaking up, not her.

Ohh, interesting, please tell me more. Apparently they have been arguing a lot. He won't tell me about what, but I got a pretty good idea. Call me a self-important twit, but I know it's got something to do with me. Not directly, but more indirectly in a direct sort of way. I know she wants him to "stand up" to me and demand that they get more time together. He usually gets to go someone almost every weekend. I think she is talking like AFTER school. You know, I think if her parents were divorced, I would consider it. Then again, I would probably still say no.

Needless to say, the break-up didn't last very long. She called crying two different times that night and by Wednesday dinnertime they were back together. Believe me, I've told him (as has my wife) that it is going to go badly (like her dumping him as soon as the time is right).

On the FUN front, it only took me 8 days, but I now have a Nintendo Wii. How do I phrase this? IT IS FUN! We only have two games, but the bowling is a blast and this is definately a family game. I have all sorts of aches and pains right now, but they are good reminders letting me know I'm not 25 anymore. It makes you exercise to certain point. Just want to be careful with some of the twisting stuff.

I think that a lot of people like to hear my stories, no matter how innocuous I think they might be. With that in mind, I'm going to start writing these down for your entertainment.

It could be sad, it could funny. Either way, it's a glimpse into my past.

Today's episode "Artie goes to jail."

It had come to be, that due to my financial situation and poor decision making, I became a scofflaw. It started out with a simple ticket for following to closely, that I forgot to pay. For that, they suspended my license. As we all know, that will not stop you from driving. It should, but it won't. I drove P.O.S. cars that would never pass a normal state inspection, I always knew mechanics who would give me the "special" one so it would be legal. Insurance? Sure for the first 30 days or until the cancellation came. Of course, once your insurance is canceled, there goes your registration too.

At any given time, I was driving with bad plates, expired inspection, no insurance. Eventually I wold get caught. I would get ticketed. This happened quite a few times until at one point I had 24 suspensions on my license. This means I also had a bench warrant issued for my arrest for those unpaid parking tickets.

You can't believe how nervous I would get every time a police car appeared. I knew the end was coming and I just had to keep the charade going until I could get a good job and make some serious "fix my life" money. Little did I know, that I was going to turn myself in soon.

See, I had applied for a security job. Now being security, they want to make sure you are not a felon or have any past felony conviction, so you need to get a copy of the your police report. Where do you go to get this? Why the sheriff's department of course. I walk in with my son (who was 3 at that time) and ask the nice lady for just such a report. She explains the fees, writes down my name and birthdate and proceeds to type on her computer. I should have known something was wrong when she said "hmmmmm" and told me she would be right back. I knew for sure when the DETECTIVE opened the door and asked me to come back with him.

Uh oh. He's being really friendly and when we get to his desk he starts talking to me about this "aggravated assault" charge. WHAT? I never beat anyone up! Oh, wait, Aggravated Unlicensed operator charge. Wheew! And it looks like there are a couple of here. I can't let you walk out of here because of the warrant. Warrant? Oh yeah, there are 4 of them on there. Is there anyone that I can call to take you son? Oh, uh.... yeah his mother is out in the car waiting on us.

In the car. The car that has no insurance, switched plates, expired insurance, and suspended registration. That car. I just send a Onondaga Sheriff's department detective out to that car.

Off he goes, but before he does, he handcuffs me to the chair. He's only gone for 10 minutes, but it is a loooonnnngg 10 minutes. When he comes back, he explains that he told her that I would be going to jail and since it was so late on Friday (3 pm-ish) that I would be spending the weekend since no judge would be around to arraign me until Monday. Bummer. He uncuffs me and off we go down to booking. He talks to some officers there, they take my stuff, I sign for it, and I'm put in a holding cell.

I guess I'm there for 3 or so hours when one of the Deputies come and get me. Time for me to be processed. Hmm. I'm going upstairs, but first.... one of the most degrading things I've had to do in a long time.

We all have been in P.E. or gym. That fun part, where you and some other people have to share the shower. All of you, naked. In the shower. No one is looking at anyone else, but you know what I'm talking about.

The Deputy takes me into the shower room. I get a towel. He tells me to strip. ALL the way down to skin. Put my clothes in the bag and get into the shower. There is no curtain on the shower stall. Why? Because the deputy is watching me. Okay, a little un-nerving but hey, I understand the reason. At least until I'm all rinsed and finished. As I'm about to turn off the water, he says wait. The he proceed to take a nearby spray bottle and squirt me with de-lousing agent. Eww. Oh wait. IT BURNS! Wow, it does sting! After a minute or so he directs me back into the shower to rinse again. Good thing, it's not as bad, but I'm still tingling and not in a good way. So, I'm thinking it can't get any worse until he says this: "Lift 'em." I give him a look and he looks right back at me. "Your testicles, son. Lift them up."

Okay this just got weird. So I do it. Mind you, he's about 3 feet away. He bends over and takes a peek. Ohhhh.... now I get it. Making sure I'm not hiding anything. Alright, so now it's not AS freaky. Still in the uncomfortable zone, but at least there is a rhyme to the reason. Until... "Turn, bend over and spread." One short sentence that I think sticks with me to this day. The one sentence that will surely keep me a law-abiding citizen the rest of my life. Yes. Turn around, bend over and show me where the sun don't shine. I know that there is a reason for this. Looking back, I know that for as bad as I as feeling, the poor deputy has it even worse. How many sets of nuts and assholes has this guy seen. Worse yet, the condition of those very same things. Uggghhh.

So, that's over. Into my little orange jumper with my .30 cent flip flops. Off we go up to the cell block. blah blah. Locked in. No problem. Then the realization sets in, I'm in jail. I cry. This sucks. I cry some more, silently sobbing into the chunk of foam rubber that is my pillow. I'm never doing this again.

I spend 2 1/2 days in there. In the cell. The only time I get out is to see Amy (John - my son's mother) when she brings me some books and comes for an hour long visit. I get to see my son through jailhouse glass. Another of those things that keeps me lawful.

She's been busy. She's called my grandmother (who TOTALLY freaked out) and will be posting my bail on Monday. She's called my lawyer who will be there on Monday.

Monday rolls around. I'm released on bail. Before I'm even out, my lawyer has been in talking with one of the assistant D.A.s and has pleaded it all down to a minor charge. What could have been over $5000 in fines and some more jail time has been reduced to a $350 fine. Which they take out of my $500 bail money.

Twenty-four suspensions. All gone. I'm a free man again. For now.....

To be continued!!

Sometimes you think you know it all. There is nothing you can't do. You are so clever, you can whip any problem that comes your way.

Wrong.

I'm a computer ninja. I love to do the fun stuff with electronics. I made it my career. I love impressing people who have no idea what they are doing. Yep, it's an ego trip.

This weekend, however, I met my match. I just rebuilt my machine and had gotten XP back up and running. Me, being the little hacker I am, decided to use a crack, but my favorite site wasn't working, so I went to an alternative. I should have known that it was bad. I mean Norton sucked one of the files right of the archive BEFORE I even expanded it. That's okay, the keygen was still there. Oops.

This little program was called TCPIPMON.EXE and it is a bugger to clean. I tried all my best tricks. Then went the internet for help. None. So I just F-it and started from scratch. Ha! I showed it, didn't I?

All that just so I can play my game, and it will look like the intro movies. Yeah baby!

Okay... show idea.

This guy Liev Schrieber was just on CSI as Michael Kepler. Very mysterious guy who was gone after 4 episodes. So, as it goes with guest stars.. how about....

FORREST GUMP, CSI??

Ehhh... ehhh... "Momma always said it was the quiet ones that were doing it..."

It could work!

Breaking the camel's back.

Okay, I'll admit I like to think of myself as a bit of eccentric personality. If you know me, then you'll agree. If you don't, then take as that, yeah I'm a bit of a weirdo. Now with that said, let's move on......

It has been a bit since I've posted. A couple of years have passed. Let's not dwell on it, it's not good for you. To dwell. To sit and wonder. To fume and fester on a subject. Any subject. Especially when it comes to family. Be careful of what you wish for, because you might get it.

I wanted my son to find a girlfriend. I thought it would do his self-esteem a good turn. Wish granted. To a point. It's a pen pal. 1100 miles away. Wish granted - sort of. She's a bit of a psycho and has family problems. It didn't last because, well, I might have interfered in that. I just had to put him on the right path.

Right.

Girlfriend #2. Cool, she's real. In a here at school kind of way. FABULOUS! Bring her over... in fact why don't you guys spend time together whenever it's convenient for us. Super. You go over there, she comes over here. Sounds good. Perfecto! Honey, she seems really nice. Kind of pseudo-goth / emo, but a good girl. Parents are divorced. Bummer.

Right.

I talk to my son. Parents should talk to their children. A lot. Well, he tells me that during our last outing to the State Fair, that I offended her. Really? Hmm, what was it I said? (For the sake of explaining, let's suffice it to say it was all petty B.S. from an immature little girl who has misconstrued my sense of humor) Now, that could be that, but then he says that I make her "uncomfortable." Ooops. My wife has heard enough. She decrees that due to the my "offensive nature" and the girlfriend's feelings of un-comfortability, that the girlfriend is no longer allowed to come over to our house AND we will no longer be transporting her anywhere. That will be that. My son sulks off. He knows that will definitely impact his time with his girlfriend. Based on some other things he's said to me I have decided that I don't care the girlfriend anymore. Apparently this 16 year old girl does not care for my parenting style and the way I treat my son.

Wow.

As a parent of a 17 year old, some (including my wife) would say I'm a bit strict. I'm not a spanker. I've always been able to discipline using stern words and then occasional firm grip. Here in the recent, that method no longer works, so we result to the grounding from things. It works to a point, like all punishment does. My strictness includes monitoring of his computer use, including his myspace page. Yeah, I read his blog. I check his comments. I make the rules. You follow them or else.

Uh-huh.

It has now become a running gun battle. I want to let my son have fun with his girlfriend but I don't like her. I know, she's not my girlfriend, but I know in a way that parents know, that she is messing with his head. My wife says I'm overreacting. It's like a cold war kind of thing with his girlfriend. My wife is smarting then me. She is a Henry Kissinger when it comes to me. I relent. I decide to LET IT GO. I'll feel better, she just a little girl, he'll move on and we'll laugh about this when he has kids. Trust me. Okay honey, I'll do it.

See, all better?

No. Growing up, I attending Sunday school, church at least 2 days a week. I know my religion, but I just don't worship the way I used to. I'm not a pious man, but I'm not evil. I've done some bad things, and I know that it's me that has to live with them. Now, with that said, I know that people think that some things are evil. When I was a kid, it was Dungeons and Dragons, Ozzy, Black Sabbath and Motley Crue. All exploited the "devil" side of things with the images and what not. My parents did not care for it. I understood and did not bring them into their house. Now, I never forced religion on my son as I felt it was forced on me (sometimes - more on that later). He understands morals, good and evil. Enter a rock band. One of many he listens to. This one is called "H.I.M."

Hey.. wait a minute!

Yeah, if you have any religious upbringing, you know that when you refer to HIM, it is the man upstairs. Upon closer inspections, it is not HIM it is an abbreviation. His infernal majesty, of course referring to Satan. Hmm, nice hook for a band, it's been done before, but whatever sells records. No Son, sorry I won't download that album for you. Why Dad? Explanation ensues. None of that in my house. Ohh.. again, I understand my parents. End of story.

No.

Birthday. Presents, cake, small party - with no girlfriend. A couple of days after party I ask son about other gifts. Lo and behold, his girlfriend has bought him the album I would not download for him. Anger. Threats. I almost take the CD and destroy it. I'm a reasonable fellow. You can keep the CD, it has sentimental value. You cannot play it around me. Or while anyone is home. I know he tells girlfriend how Dad freaked out, but finally relented. All better now.

Cool. Things are fine.

Valentines day. Our weather causes a snow day. No school. Son is bummed out. He bought her roses and now they will get all wilted if more time passes. I'm a nice guy. We have to go to the doctor, I'll run you over afterwards so you can give them to her. Super Dad to the rescue.

Hooray!!

We get to her house. Presents are exchanged, kiss - kiss. Cool, whatever, let's go. Driving home he shows me his gifts. A nice band t-shirt and some shoe-laces. The shoe laces are covered with the HIM logo's all over them. Hmmm..... That's kind of odd. What could make it stranger? She says this to him: "I hope your Dad doesn't get to upset over these...."

Fuck.